Matters of the HeART

​Although I'm sure I've not been greatly missed I do feel the need to apologise for my absence of late. Exactly where did the past 6 months go anyway? For me.... well let's just say my heart has needed me more than my art and I haven't felt much like sharing.

They say love should be easy, but I expect whoever said that wasn't a 52 year old single working mum with 2 teenage boys, a mortgage, an anxiety disorder and a burning desire to paint and create something more. It's not easy when your prince charming shows up on his white (orange :) horse, ticks all your boxes, steals your heart away and everything should be so freaking amazing but....

Apparently... sometimes love just isn't enough... life and aaaaaaall that other stuff gets in the way and even the most perfect, meant for each other soul mate kinda couples like us can't find a way and before you know it there you are, faced with that heart breaking, horrendously impossible, decision.... 

In the end we had no choice. Walking away this time was perhaps the hardest thing I've ever done. But enough of that for now. Less violins and more rocky music I say...

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But first let me play you a love song : ) .....

I simply have to share my amazing nephews beautiful wedding. Josh is also my Godson, the first to ever call me Aunty Pip and btw an Australian Baking Industy National Champion... he holds a very sweet place in my heart : ) He met his lovely Jen on MySpace many years ago and although living in different states of Australia they later progressed to facebook, phone calls, road trips, a leap of faith across the border by Jen, the proposal in Singapore, a leap back across the border by Josh and finally finally the long awaited wedding held in Mt Beauty, Vic. My entire family made the 8 hour journey... it was a very special weekend and moment in time that I will never forget... filled with love and laughter and those wonderful family memories only a wedding can bring. Their wedding video is perhaps the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and so I had to share. Full creds to the talented folk at Bottlebrush Films for their awesomeness.... 

Jennifer + Josh // Dreamers, Mount Beauty from Bottlebrush Films on Vimeo.

And this is us at the wedding... me and my boys and my prince charming to whom I am truly truly forever grateful. Greg is the kindest most loving man and despite what was a very difficult time for us he was there for me when I needed him most. Had it not been for his love and support we may never have made it to the wedding at all. I am so so blessed to have these three amazing men in my life... filling it with laughter and tears, joy and pain, fear and hope and love. Lots and lots and lots of love. I am so blessed : ) Oh and a big shout out to my brother Matt who took this photo. You can find more of his awesomeness at Hotshotz Photography.

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Now... less mushy stuff and more art  : ) ...

There's a blank space on my kitchen wall that has been screaming at me for over 2 years. Can you believe in all the years I've been painting I have never done one just for myself. So in the interest of some much needed self care I let myself paint for absolutely no other reason than my own pleasure. Not to learn or grow or give or sell... to make myself happy today. I love this painting so much.. and so does my kitchen wall. 

A SINGLE PEAR

Then a friend suggested I try painting a pineapple and I thought why not.  So I did : )

PINEAPPLE CRUSH

I was a bit stuck then. I was broken and hurting and couldn't bring myself to paint flowers. I needed to play, have fun, let go and just enjoy the process. So I decided to throw some paint around and see what appeared. I tried hard to trust the process and let it take me wherever. Love love and love.....

INSPIRE

EXPECT AMAZING

MAGIC

And then this happened.... 

A friend of mine.. the lovely Sam saw this piece which I painted for the Let The Paint Speak course and asked me to paint her four daughters in the same style. Hmmmm... I took a few days to consider and came to the conclussion that this was something way way way outside my artistic comfort zone and considering my current state of mind had the potential to bring me unstuck big time. I also knew very well that the lessons I most need to learn are always hidden inside my art. I had no idea how or if I could ever possibly in a million years pull it off but I somehow knew I had to say yes.

Looking back now... I think I seriously under estimated just how far this painting would push me artistically and even more so how much of me personally it would consume. Underneath those smiles are many many layers of how not to paint four beautiful daughters, weeks and weeks of showing up without a clue how I was going to bring the girls to life and do them justice, hours and hours and hour of omg Phillipa what were you thinking... it's impossible... just give up!

​And there's that decision again... do I walk away or do I try harder?

I cannot put into words how incredibly glad I am that I chose to try harder. For 4 months I chose to keep showing up again and again until somehow... I did it! I have no words to describe how amazing that is. Not the painting altho I do love it : ) it's more the fact that the ONLY reason this amazing thing exists at all is because I just didn't give up until it was done. I love that.

I delivered it to Sam a few days ago. I was a little nervous but much much calmer than is my norm. I think because I know this painting was meant to be, I truly believe that. It came at exactly the right time bearing exactly what I needed, I just had to say yes, show up, do my thing, keep trying harder and go the distance. That's where the good stuff is right?... at the end of whatever the f@#k it takes to get it. Lesson learnt thank you very much universe!

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Now what else did I do worth sharing? 

Oh yes... this book was another gift from above. You Aussies may recognise Meshel Laurie.... she's a comedian who's often on The Project so the book was light and funny and and easy to read and gives a quick Buddhism 101 run through of the basics which I found really interesting and inspiring... I definitely want to learn more. A very cool book filled with all the stuff I needed, not only for my broken heart but loads of other great stuff that I will carry with me forever. Like Impermanence which is one of Buddhism's core concepts... the understanding that everyone and everything in the world is constantly changing. When you get your head around that little gem it changes eeeeeverything and allows you to look at things with fresh eyes every single day. It somehow free's the mind to make decisions today that are unhampered by the past and the future... I love that.

I got mine from booktopia

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And loads of self care therapy....

I shouted myself this on-line art course by one of my fave artists... Donna Downey who's work I absolutely adore.
The course at just $45USD was quick and fun and easy and a perfect little pick me up. I loved it so much I've signed up for her more extensive Abstract Florals workshop... I cannot wait to dive in to that one. Hopefully I'll have something to share from the course real soon : )

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And.. I listened to this incredible podcast by another of my fave humans Elizabeth Gilbert who never fails to lift me up, turn me around and launch me right back along the path I'm meant to be on. It's an informal chat to promote her book Big Magic about all things creative like...  where creativity comes from, how to step into a creative life, how to get that thing in your head and heart out into the world, what stops us from doing the things we're here to do, the importance of taking care of our vessel and what to do when you've reached the end of your capacity... an absolute “do not miss” conversation for anyone who's creative.. or just breathing really : )

“When you come to the end of yourself, that's where all the interesting stuff starts.” Elizabeth Gilbert ​

And then just in case like me you're left wanting more... here's another.
Love this lady so much.

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Ummmm... what else?

So proud of my Mitch for having the guts to say enough is enough and start a fresh at a new school.

Found these I Quit Sugar packet mix protein balls at the supermarket... an easy delicious healthy alternative.

And I've decided to grow my hair again.. trying to have fun with the in between. I'll share more of the fun along the way if I'm game :)

And this is just a little taste of my Avocado crop this year. Very cool!

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Oh and I'm happy and hopeful to report that my perfect prince charming is back in my life. Once again my art has shown me that nothing is impossible, some things are worth fighting for and amazing things can happen when we choose to try harder. I choose to try harder. I choose to fight harder, live harder and love harder. Maybe I'll fall harder too, or maybe I won't. Maybe I'll find my happy ever after right there at the end of whatever the f@#k it takes to get it. God I hope so... I'll keep you posted. 

Ha ha... even my helmet is saying yes.

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Last weekend I picked up my paints again. I gladly let myself collapse back into what I know best, my arty default mode... light bright bold fresh fun flowers. It was so nice to be back. This is what evolved.... gotta be happy with that :)

HAPPY EVER AFTER

It's so nice to have my heart and my art back where they belong. I hope my honesty and my little life story helps inspire even just one other person to try harder. Sometimes it's just a matter of stopping for a moment and re-adjusting your sails, finding a better way to keep going so that you can do what ever it takes to ride off into your own sunset... that's where the good stuff is right?

Big love.